Dharma & Greg's Encounter with ETs on Earth
by Pitry
Summary: Most people would be slightly upset to find an alien in their living room. With all the things Greg saw since he met Dharma, this could actually be considered an improvement.


"Dharma?"

"Yes, sweetie?"

"Is there something wrong with the television?"

"Not that I know of, why?"

"Oh, just wondering why is there a man in our living room taking it apart."

"Oh, it's okay honey, don't worry — he knows what he's doing."

"He's a technician then?"

"No, he's an alien."

"Ah, okay. Does he also know how to fix radios? Mine stopped working."

**-X-**

If he thought about it, there really wasn't any reason to be concerned. After everything he's been through in the past couple of years, an alien really isn't such a big deal — after all, it could have been an Indian who wanted to die in his apartment. Or a thanksgiving meal with both his parents and Dharma's. Or Jane's cat. Brrr.

Besides, that little voice in his head was screaming all the time these days. He might as well make it pay a part of the rent if he was going to listen to 'but this is crazy!' every time Dharma did something… unique. No, he was okay with it. Fine, actually. Just fine. Super. Never better. After all, this is San Francisco. Everything can happen here. It only makes sense, really, if aliens come to Earth the first place they'd go to would be San Francisco.

Perfect sense.

**-X-**

"What do you mean, an alien?"

**-X-**

So this is how the story went. As far as he could tell. Dharma's explanations weren't always crystal clear.

When she left last night and told him she was going to look for a ship with Jane, she meant a specific ship. A space ship. This alien's spaceship, the alien who frankly just looked like a slightly geeky, thin English guy in a suit and couldn't stop grinning.

But he had two hearts. That's what Dharma said. He had no reason to doubt her. He just wondered how she came by that particular piece of information.

Anyway, the alien lost his spaceship. It was rather embarrassing, really. He parked it somewhere and for the life of him couldn't remember where that was!

"Why don't you just go and ask, then? People are bound to notice a spaceship in the middle of the city. Aren't they?"

Apparently not, as it didn't look like a spaceship, it looked like a box. And besides, it was meant to blend in, so people who didn't look for it wouldn't notice it. Quite clever, actually, when you think of it — after all, you don't want to hang around the universe where everyone can just pick up your spaceship and bring it to the nearest NASA branch, do you? Greg had to agree that bit made sense.

But the alien — who called himself the Doctor, according to Dharma - she thought it was cool — only needed some parts, then he'd be able to finish his tracking-homing-something device and find his spaceship.

And he promised to put the television back the way it was before he left.

It was quite generous of him, Greg had to admit.

He tried to hint to Dharma that this guy is probably insane, or trying to take advantage of them in some way — even if, currently, he had a hard time thinking how can anyone take advantage of them by disassembling their TV. Maybe his face was all over the news as a dangerous criminal who was out to murder unsuspecting couples and their nutty neighbours in cold blood — although, frankly, any murderous psychopath would do well to get as far away from Jane as possible, and if Jane didn't kill them in their sleep by now he doubted this guy would. Maybe he was an escapee from a mental hospital.

Dharma, of course, would have none of that. It was important for the universal balance that they help everyone, even people who weren't born on Earth. He wasn't going to discriminate based on species, was he?

Greg had to agree that of course, he wasn't. But he checked the number for the mental hospital in any case. He never got to use it, though, because —

"Perfect! Now all I need is some really old silver! You wouldn't know where I could get some, would you?"

**-X-**

"So you expect me to give this complete stranger my three-hundred year old silver cutlery? Surely you're joking. Gregory, this man is a madman! Look, he even wears sneakers with this suit — now tell me, what kind of person does that?"

"Mum, it's really important to Dharma. Besides, it could be worse."

It could have been — if everything Kitty Montgomery had to say about the Doctor was criticising his choice of footwear, there was still a chance. Even if there was the shadow of a doubt in Greg's mind now. After all, these things were very expensive.

"Oh yes? And how's that?"

"It could have been Jane's cat."

"You mean that dreadful man with the… Oh, come on, dear, the silver's in the other room."

**-X-**

Kitty, of course, insisted on coming with them. She was quite relieved to see that all that was needed was one dish and one spoon, but she still wanted to follow them and make sure nothing bad happened — "after all, darling, this is a very expensive set, imagine what would happen if some pieces of it went missing! No, don't be ridiculous, young man, of course we don't actually use it, whatever for?" — and then Ed joined in. Greg thought his father would enjoy the chance for a quiet afternoon, but it seemed Kitty was not going to risk being alone with a madman who thought he was an alien. And she just wanted to make sure Gregory and Dharma were alright, too.

So off they went. The thing did start beeping, he had to give him that.

Unfortunately, it beeped straight into Abby's and Larry's house.

**-X-**

"Oh, it's that bracelet you gave me back at Woodstock! Of course, it's alien. And I never thanked you properly for it - it was so sweet of you. Would you like some more tea?" Abby poured it anyway.

"What were you doing in Woodstock?" Dharma did go through the whole time-travel business, but even then, it still seemed a bit unlikely to Greg. And besides, why would an alien want to go to Woodstock — oh, to give Jimi a letter from his mum. Of course. She missed him terribly, he could sympathise. And no, it's quite fascinating, he had no idea Jimi wasn't actually dead but just went home!

And when Abby and Larry joined in with everyone else, because they were too busy the first time round to see his spaceship, Greg decided that the next time, he's going to listen to that voice. He'd even give it the first month's rent off.

**-X-**

It was a box. A blue box. In the middle of the street, right on the pavement. And no one seemed to be bothered about it. Maybe he was telling the truth. Maybe he was an alien. Maybe aliens travelled in big blue wooden boxes that said 'police' — and didn't have to hear a lecture about it from Larry, too. Or maybe everyone just lost their minds.

Starting with Greg.

So Abby and Larry walked into the box, because they wanted to see what's inside. And then Dharma entered, because, come on, a spaceship! You're not gonna miss that, are you? After several minutes Kitty's patience ran out and she dragged Edward inside to get back their silver and stop with this silliness.

A minute passed. And another. And a third.

Greg was still outside.

What were they doing inside all of that time? It was tiny! It can't fit six people in there, no way! They must be completely squashed — and his mother would definitely not tolerate it for this long.

"Are you guys alright in there?"

No reply. This was getting suspicious. Maybe he was a murderous psychopath. Maybe he killed them one by one and hid their bodies in a special compartment. Or had a back door. Greg circled the box, just to make sure.

"Dharma? Mum? Is everything alright in there?"

Still no reply.

Well, there's no chance even half a person could get in there with them now, but he might as well open the door and try to step inside and —

**-X-**

'It's bigger on the inside!"


End file.
